Friend or Foe?
Falling in love is a lot easier in fiction. If you pick up one of my books, you’re guaranteed a happily-ever-after, but in real life, romance can be tricky.
My boys are of dating age, and whereas girls used to need to be leery of dating, now it’s scary for boys to put themselves out there, too. Some women will go online after a night out and critique their date on social media. There are also cases of women unjustly accusing their date of bad behavior, as happened to Trevor Bauer, whose baseball pitching career was ruined by a woman who accused him of assault. Later, texts and videos surfaced of her joking about going after his money. I’m not saying women are bad. I’m a woman myself, and there are examples of men behaving badly too, but I have the perspective of being a mama bear to my three boys, whom I would give my life for. My boys have asked how to find a Godly woman in this day and age, and it’s no longer as simple as asking a girl if she’s a Christian or even if she attends church.
Zerubbabel had to use his discernment against people who claimed, “like you we seek your God and have been sacrificing to him (Ezra 4:2).” As a leader of the Israelites in Jerusalem, Zerubbabel chose not to have their so-called believing neighbors help with the rebuilding of the temple. Those same “God-seeking” neighbors then bribed officials and impeded the work on the temple. These deceivers succeeded in stopping progress for almost two decades, until God used the prophets Haggai and Zechariah to encourage the job to be completed.
How can we know who is friend or foe? 2 Corinthians 11:13-15 says, “For such men are false apostles, deceitful workmen, disguising themselves as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. So it is no surprise if his servants, also, disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. Their end will correspond to their deeds.” In some of today’s churches, there are leaders who claim to be Christians but do not believe Jesus is Lord or in His resurrection. People can say they believe in Jesus, but even the demons believe (James 2:19). The better question is: do they know Jesus as their Lord and Savior?1 Corinthians 12:3 states, “Therefore I want you to know that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, ‘Jesus be cursed,’ and no one can say, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ except by the Holy Spirit.”
Jesus says in Matthew 17:16, “You will know them by their fruits.” The older I get, the more I battle against cranky bitterness that tries to seep in due to issues and attacks that have come over the years. The devil doesn’t lay off his assaults just because you’re older. The easy alternative is to build defensive walls to keep people out, but if we wall ourselves off, our fruit rots and becomes wasted. Hiding from people isn’t the answer. Deciding not to date or marry only keeps you from the potential 2x impact you could make. My husband and I make a powerful team.
Another good indicator of whether someone is friend or foe is from 1 John 4:8, “Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.” If we’re not becoming more loving, then we should question whether we’re becoming more like Jesus, because God is love. That doesn’t mean you should be a doormat and let people walk all over you. Sometimes the loving thing is to stand your ground, say the hard truth, or even discipline and correct. I love my boys more than I love my own life, but they didn’t love being disciplined when they were younger. Now they’ve come to appreciate our correction because it helped develop their character and made them into great men. We must love people and show them our love, or we won’t care whether they’re ready for when the trumpet sounds and Jesus returns for His second coming.
My advice to my boys, before falling in love with someone, is to watch a woman’s deeds. Is she producing good fruit? Is she acting lovingly? Does she declare Jesus is her Lord? I tell them also to rely on the Holy Spirit’s discernment, pray for Godly wisdom, and pray for the heart of your future wife. For as we draw closer to the end and the days grow more evil, we will need to be sensitive to the Spirit and rely more and more on God and our faith.