Is Valentine's Day a Love Test?
This Valentine’s Day, my husband and I will have a romantic getaway in Western Massachusetts, spending an entire day of quality time side by side, shouting affirmations at our son.
Yes, we will be spending the National Day of Love mat-side in a sweaty gym packed with high school boys at my son’s wrestling tournament.
Not your idea of romance?
It may not be a romantic scenario that I’d write into one of my romance novels, but I wouldn’t trade for dinner at an upscale restaurant in Boston or a beautiful bouquet of long-stemmed red roses. Besides, who exactly defines how love is celebrated?
Valentine’s Day came into being through a conglomeration of historical events, none of which were romantic. The day’s namesake, Saint Valentine, is thought to be either one of two men martyred on February 14th for being Christians. St. Valentine of Rome is heralded for miraculously restoring a young girl’s sight and then converting the family to Christianity. His apostasy infuriated the Roman emperor, who ordered St. Valentine’s execution. The other possible St. Valentine, the Bishop of Terni, was beheaded after secretly marrying couples after Emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage because the ruler believed unwed men made better soldiers.
In the Middle Ages, troubadours and court jesters honored Valentine’s Day with songs and tales featuring unrequited love, love from afar, and other romantic tropes, but in reality, most marriages were arranged for wealth, lands, protection, and political gain. Geoffrey Chaucer, the author of Canterbury Tales, wrote one of the earliest Valentine’s Day poems called A Parliament of Fowls, where February was determined to be the month when birds pair off (if you get my drift), and so surely humans would follow the birds’ lead.
The invention of lithography during the Industrial Revolution enabled mass printing of cards, and the commercial industry had a field day with marketing. Hallmark entered the scene in 1913 with witty lines and romantic messages, and other businesses rode the card industry's coattails, including restaurants, florists, chocolate confectioneries, and spas.
Over time, Valentine’s Day has become a pressure cooker for relationships. The holiday that once encouraged creative expression has become a relationship test. If you don’t prove yourself by spending a full week’s wages or celebrate differently from what the commercial industry recommends, you could receive a failing grade.
If you and your loved one enjoy a nice dinner out, a spa day for two, or flowers and chocolates, that’s wonderful. Just please don’t turn one commercialized day into a test of their love. Love shouldn’t cause anxiety. It doesn’t pressure another prove their love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 tells us how love acts, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Forgive me if I’m speaking too freely. I may not understand gifts as an emotional connection since gifts didn’t make my top three love languages. For me, romance isn’t proven by a display of grand gestures. Love isn’t measured in a day. It’s shown daily. It’s when those I love see me fully, and I see them fully. Love knows my quirks and imperfections and loves me anyway. Love celebrates each other’s wins and notices if something is bothering them. Love is connection and caring. And this Valentine’s Day, love for my hubby and me means driving over an hour to cheer on our son in a crowded, loud, sweaty gym to show our support.
I don’t know how we allowed the commercial industry to decide the right way to celebrate love. What I do know is that love is from God and that God is love. He demonstrated His amazing love for us by sending His son in propitiation for our sins, not because of what we’ve done, but because of who He is. Because God loves us, we should love one another, and if we love one another, then 1 John 4:12 states, “God abides in us and His love is perfected in us.”
Have a lovely Valentine’s Day in whatever way you mean to celebrate, but remember Who loves you and Who has chosen you to be His beloved.