Steady As They Go.
After this weekend, I need some emotional stability (and to stop stress-eating carbs). As you read this, all of my boys will be back at college, and I’m officially an empty-nester. The first drop-off for my youngest was on Saturday, for freshman orientation. The college held a wonderful but emotional ceremony to welcome the kids on their new life adventure and to celebrate what God is going to do in their lives.
I wasn’t the only red-eyed mother using one tissue to blow my nose in an unladylike manner and another to wipe away my running mascara. You’d think by the third child I’d have this down pat or at least remember to buy waterproof mascara.
The next two boys left one day at a time, drawing fresh emotions to the surface again. It felt like my wounded heart was slowly bleeding out. I can appreciate Hannah’s life in the Bible all the more, having long desired a child of her own, then fulfilling her vow by giving Samuel up to the Lord to be raised in the temple by Eli.
Part of being a parent is raising up children in the best of our ability and in God’s strength so that they can fly the nest with a strong foundation. I praise God that He’s covered my mistakes and matured our boys into wonderful adults. I’m able to celebrate like Hannah:
“My heart rejoices in the Lord;
in the Lord my horn is lifted high.
My mouth boasts over my enemies,
for I delight in your deliverance.
“There is no one holy like the Lord;
there is no one besides you;
there is no Rock like our God.”
One of my husband's and my goals in raising our boys was to keep them grounded and balanced in God’s love, so here are the next five of the Benham Brothers’ “Ten Stabilizers for Success.” If you missed the first five, click here: Stability is Underrated.
Confidence is stabilized by teachability – being teachable keeps our pride in check because it signals we don’t know everything. One of my favorite nonfiction books is The Key to Everything by Matt Keller on teachability. Some great Biblical examples include Moses taking his father-in-law’s advice and appointing leaders to help handle issues that popped up among the Israelites. Naaman, who had leprosy, couldn’t believe he traveled a far distance to speak to a prophet who could cure him, only to be told to go dip in a river. He could have done that at home. After one of his officers spoke with him, Naaman listened. He washed in the river and was cured of his leprosy.
Ambition is stabilized by contentment – One of the first quotes I chose to memorize as a child was “Happiness isn’t getting what you want. It’s wanting what you already have.” Paul says it best in his own words from Philippians 4:11-13, “For I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Job, after facing tragedy after tragedy, still praised God, and Job found solace in God’s authority, saying, “The Lord gave and has taken away. May the name of the Lord be praised.” (Job 1:20-22)
Giftedness is stabilized by character – We’ve all seen or heard of talented athletes or Hollywood stars burning out quickly, due to a lack of character. After hearing these media stories, I tell my boys that I wouldn’t wish fame on my worst enemy. Without character to help stabilize these gifted individuals, the dopamine rush of fame becomes a craving that consumes, and they seek the next fix. David held great musical talent. He was so good the young shepherd was brought to play before his king. David’s character kept him from letting the fame go to his head, and God kept him from harm when King Saul, who started to show his madness, threw spears at David while he played. Daniel was gifted in aptitude and discernment and was held in high regard by King Darius, but Daniel remained full of integrity, honesty, and faithfulness even when it meant being thrown into the lion’s den.
Drive is stabilized by rest – Burnout is a modern term but not a modern behavior. Work means survival. If we don’t work, we don’t eat, but Jesus rested whenever and wherever He could, even in the bow of a boat during a storm. He often withdrew to quiet places to pray and restore His spirit. God also rested on the seventh day after creating the world and asked that we also do the same as a sabbath.
Productivity is stabilized by presence. “You’re not listening to me, mommy!” was one of the most heartbreaking and convicting statements my children could say to me. I’d put down the phone, set aside my writing, or take a break from cooking and try to focus on them. Paul supported himself by tentmaking while also traveling and planting numerous churches, yet he wrote to and maintained relationships with these churches, caring for them, encouraging them, and sometimes rebuking them. Nehemiah inspired the Israelites to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem, but he also worked alongside them, encouraging them not to get distracted or intimidated by the opposition.
“He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” – Micah 6:8