Why Self-Sabotage?

I’d been through this before and witnessed the results. I knew getting upset only made things worse, but I unleashed my anger anyway. Three boys, who were having way too much fun goofing off and slowly progressing to the car when we were already late, peered at me as I lost my temper and yelled at the top of my lungs. I’m pretty sure I even slammed a door.

Did this help? My boys ran in frantic circles, crashing into one another, still not accomplishing anything. Did losing my temper make me feel better? Help me blow off steam? I only felt worse—guilt-ridden. Did we get to school any faster? Nope.

I was a glutton for self-sabotage.

Moses was also. He was an imperfect man who God used mightily. He’s remembered for confronting Pharaoh to free the Israelites from slavery, parting the Red Sea so they could escape, and leading the Israelites through the desert so they could reach the Promised Land. Moses is even listed in Hebrews 11, known as the Hall of Faith. However, he, too, let his temper get the best of him. When he saw an Egyptian beating a Jewish slave, he murdered the Egyptian and buried his body to hide his sin. When God called him to go and speak to Pharaoh, Moses listed excuse after excuse. For forty years, Moses led his people through the desert, and then in a moment of self-sabotage, Moses disobeyed God’s orders. Instead, he struck a rock with his staff to bring forth water and wasn’t able to enter the Promised Land because of it.

Why do we self-sabotage? Why do we take matters into our own hands? How often do we look at our life and see the way it’s gone or the situation we’re stuck in and feel like God has betrayed us? That we didn’t deserve this? Why do we think that our way is better?

The truth is, God is always at work in His children. He loves us even when we aren’t acting lovingly toward Him. God is for us and cares about our situation, but His priority is our salvation. We’re covered in the filth of sin, and He’s working to purify us. He wants our whole hearts, not half-hearted attempts to follow Him. God allows trials so that we can develop and be complete, lacking in nothing. He’s pushing so that we can reach greater heights and be more like Jesus. When we take our eyes off God and instead focus on the issue, that’s when we believe our way is necessary. That’s when we self-sabotage.

God has the right to wreck our plans when they aren’t His.

There is a pattern that repeats in the Bible and still today: creation, fall, redemption, restoration. It started with the creation of Adam and the fall in the garden, but God loves us and doesn't want to be separated from His beloved creation. He sent His Son as an atonement. Jesus’s blood covers our sins so we can have restoration with God. But even then, God continues to refine us to become more like Jesus. We are a work in progress, like silver being heated until all the dross rises to the surface and is removed.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers them out of them all (Psalm 34:19). I had to read this line over to really let it sink in. We will have trials and afflictions, but if we are in the Lord, we will overcome. God is victorious, and He will bring us through to the other side. If we hold onto Him, we’ll come out refined and shining with His glory.

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. Hebrews 10:23